After high school, I got into trouble with the police, and it was a bad outcome. I hung out with the wrong group of ‘friends’, and I was convicted of theft. It’s one of my biggest regrets in life. I am now in my late 20s, and every time I applied for a job, I have been asked to provide a police check. It’s a huge shame I am carrying in my life, and I don’t know when this is going to end… will it?
I had a rough childhood growing up, and my parents were divorced since I was a kid. My dad was an alcoholic, and he was very abusive towards my mum and me. I remember when I was in primary school, he tried to commit suicide in front of me, and that left me with a great sense of fear and helplessness. I didn’t know what to do at the time, and my whole body was shaking. My mum called the ambulance, and he ended up staying in the hospital for a week. It’s still quite raw in my memory, and some of the words he said stuck in my head, and I don’t know how to get rid of them.
When I was a kid, I moved around quite a bit with my mum, and I went to different primary schools every couple of years. I have always struggled with socialisation and isolation. It’s hard for me to have a sense of belonging, and I find it hard to build a deep and meaningful connection with someone. When I was 15 years old, I worked at a meat shop with my brother. I was sexually assaulted by the butcher in that shop, and I told mum about this. She didn’t say or do anything about it, and I had to deal with it myself. A week later, my brother and I left the shop and until today, I am still angry with my mum for not taking any action to confront the butcher.
When I was 18-20 years old, I went crazy with my life every weekend. There was a lot of drinking, drugging, and sex. At the time, I didn’t really care about myself anymore, and I was self-destructive. I was avoiding thinking about my pain, and partying helped to numb my feelings.
As I grew older, I realised that I needed to change to have a better life. I’ve always had a thing for fashion since I was a teenager and decided to explore that. The more I know about it, the more I love it! Fashion is where I find my confidence, and it has now become an important part of my identity. I feel good when I have those things on me, and I feel like myself!